Faith, Family, Fishing; Navigating Everyday life

When Emotions Hijack Your Life: Finding the Power of Restraint

• Josh and Debbie

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A Florida charter captain's viral meltdown (Brock Horner) serves as the perfect backdrop for our most powerful discussion yet on the critical virtue of self-control. When this captain boarded another man's boat in a fit of rage, he didn't just create a social media sensation – he lost his reputation, business, and possibly his freedom in mere minutes. Sound familiar? It should, because the same explosive pattern ruins marriages, families, and careers every day.

Self-control isn't about suppressing your emotions or pretending they don't exist. As we explore through biblical wisdom and practical psychology, it's about experiencing your feelings without being controlled by them. "Let go of what you feel, hold on to what is real" becomes our guiding philosophy as we dissect what happens when emotions hijack our responses.

The consequences of losing control extend far beyond the moment. Children growing up in environments where adults regularly erupt learn to normalize chaos, becoming uncomfortable with peace and stability. Marriages deteriorate when pride prevents self-regulation during disagreements. But there's hope! We share actionable techniques for developing self-control: deep breathing exercises, counting before responding, finding physical outlets, and prayer – creating that crucial space between stimulus and response where wisdom can enter.

Jesus provides our ultimate example of self-control. While being crucified after hours of torture, He responded with "Father, forgive them" rather than retaliation. If you're ready to break cycles of emotional reactivity in your life, marriage, or parenting, this episode offers the perspective shift and practical tools you need. Subscribe, share with someone who needs this message, and leave us a review to help others find their way to stronger self-control. #loveisaverb @selfcontrol #Jesus #Jesuschanges #brock #floridacharter

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Josh:

on this episode of Faith, family and Fishing. Now we got a doozy, because this one's going to cover Faith, family and Fishing.

Debbie:

Is it? How is it going to? Oh, okay, I think I can.

Josh:

Let's get into it All right. Hello and welcome back. Thank you guys. So much for tuning in. If this is your first time tuning in, thank you. If this isn't, your first time tuning in. Share this with a friend. Help us out. Subscribe on Apple podcast. Leave reviews. I just found out recently that that's a big thing.

Josh:

Reviews yeah, leave a review. Like wherever you're listening to the podcast, as long as it's not on our website, you should be able to leave a review Right, and that'll really, really really help us out. A good review, a five-star review.

Debbie:

Five-star review.

Josh:

Anyway, like you heard in the intro, this one is going to be a doozy. There's a lot for us to get into, there's a lot to unpack, um, but we're still in our how-to series, right, how to be married. So, you know, a month ago we did how, uh, how to be angry, how to deal with anger, right, which this will tie into that okay uh, last week we did humor, right, you?

Josh:

You got to be able to laugh, that's right. We did the farting in bed. This week we're going to look at how to have self-control and this is going to extend a little further than just marriage right Now. I said we were going to get into faith, family and fishing. I said we were going to get into faith, family and fishing. So if you have not heard which I mean, it is on every major news thing I've seen, right here in Florida, right here in our own backyard, we had a charter captain.

Debbie:

Ah yes, A charter captain His name's Brock. Homer Homer.

Josh:

Horner.

Debbie:

Horner.

Josh:

Oh, my bad. He is now infamous and not in a good way For boarding a 21, 22-year-old, something like that. His boat, His name's Gage something I don't want to Gage Towles, I think.

Debbie:

I'm not sure.

Josh:

And I don't know everything about this. I really don't know everything about this. I really don't, you know. I know what I've seen on the internet and and what I've read in. Uh, some of the fishing communities that I am involved with um congratulations on winning your uh, that's right. First professional angler. I am now a professional angler, that's right right.

Debbie:

By the way, yes, yes, so so proud.

Josh:

If you are listening and you are at Bass Pro Shops, I have won a local competition tournament.

Debbie:

He's looking for sponsors For whiting in Pompano Winner winner.

Josh:

I'm looking for sponsors.

Debbie:

All right, moving on.

Josh:

Debbie is getting tired of sponsoring my fishing habit. We need to turn it into a career. Is getting tired of sponsoring my fishing habit. We need to turn it into a career, anyway. So apparently this charter captain was driving fast through under a bridge, out of the marked channel where there were people fishing and I guess they didn't have their lights on when they were fishing.

Josh:

Obviously it was probably dark out. A couple days later is is pulling up on this boat. Uh, this young man is out fishing on and I mean, just lays into him with just like obscenity obscenities yeah with obscene language or oh yeah, it was, it was bad yeah um

Josh:

very colorful threatening them um, you know, all of this other stuff. I mean it was bad. I Very colorful words. Threatening him, you know all of this other stuff. I mean it was bad. I'm not even going to play it because we're not like that, but anyway, winds up, as this young man is, I guess, not bowing to his concession Right, winds up pulling his boat up next to this young man's boat and climbs on the dude's boat, literally jumps on the boat and starts chasing him around starts chasing him around the boat and and all of this and

Josh:

and when I first saw the video, me and you were talking about it and I was like, man, that's this charge and this charge and this charge you know from being in law enforcement right, not to mention okay, something that that I think gets overlooked is, at that point, especially here in florida, where we have the castle doctrine, you do not have a duty to retreat right. Had this man jumped on the wrong person's boat, they could have legally shot and killed them yep, and there are plenty of people that carry on their boat.

Debbie:

You know you jump on the wrong boat and you you're having a funeral and you're not having a trial.

Josh:

Right and and and. Like I said that, that is the context of what we were discussing all of this in, because my first reaction was I have a 17 year old.

Debbie:

Right.

Josh:

That if he ever gets, you know, motivated, he ever stops being lazy and he goes and takes his boat or safety course. Who? He can go take the boat out who could have been that 21, 22 year? Old.

Debbie:

Right.

Josh:

So I went home and I'm like hey boy what would you do in a situation like this? Yep, you know, because again, that's not how I remembered the water being right, Like growing up, like even when we first started dating. So we're going back 25 years ago. Now, 26 years ago, someone no 25, 25.

Debbie:

Um hold on how old am I?

Josh:

Yeah Right, um, you know when, when I used to take you out on dates on the boat, you know you'd be like, you know you'd be like, oh man, people out here are just so, so friendly. Everybody was waving hello, you know, and that was the community I remembered and I will say it is not the same community out there anymore um you know now aggressive and people are rude and you could be fishing and people are just flying right by you, throwing all kind of weight scaring all the fish like throwing their trash in the water and and, and and I go and that that's a whole different thing we can get into right

Josh:

but one of the things that I would have never imagined was someone something like that, that mad and boarding someone else's boat, and ultimately, what you saw, because everybody you know, hey, you don't know the whole story and, and you're right, I don't Right and and therefore, like this isn't up to me to decide Right, what I am saying is based off of the, the footage that was posted online, what you saw, cause everyone's like you know, we're all entitled to a bad day. Sure, and that is a hundred percent correct.

Debbie:

Sure, and that is 100% correct, and that may have been his worst day.

Josh:

All of us have words that we wish we didn't say, and we all have actions we wish we didn't do, and it was just the culmination on that day. But on the same hand, where was any type of self-control on that?

Debbie:

And there were other people on the boat, with the gentleman that jumped on the boat.

Josh:

Right. And when I say self-control, because that's really what we're going to dig into, right Most people, when we talk self-control and we're talking fruits of the spirit, right, galatians five, where, where you know love, joy, peace, patience kindness love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. When we're looking at that self-control aspect, most people think that that we're looking at this in relation to what we do, like you know, having the self-control to not right actually what paul's thrust with that is, though, with that word, self-control isn't like behavior modification.

Josh:

Self-control it's being in control of your emotion.

Debbie:

Right. Where you don't even get escalated to that level.

Josh:

No, no, no, no, Like. So if we tie that into like Ephesians four, right, be angry and send not Okay, it's not that you're not escalated, it's not that you're not escalated, it's not that you're not like I get, I get what's the word?

Josh:

not condemned, but like um chastised because people are like well, you, especially you, um, the kids, other people like like I don't have any emotion and I go. It's not that I don't have emotion, I feel just as deeply as anyone else. I just am not controlled by what I feel, and that's really what he's talking about. Not that you don't feel, not that you don't get very angry feel, not that you don't get very angry. It's yeah. Can you get that angry and still be in control and not just react out of that emotion? Like, can you be sad and and still be in control and not just react out of that sadness?

Josh:

okay now, obviously, for most, when we talk about overreacting, we're not talking about happiness Like I've never heard anyone go. Hey, you've been too happy, right? I mean, you have heard.

Debbie:

Well, I have been accused of being too peppy before.

Josh:

No, no, no, Too peppy before.

Debbie:

I wake up. Miserable people, I wasn't even talking about you. Yes, you were.

Josh:

You looked right at me Too, peppy, before I'm awake. That's different, right. I'm not like sitting here going. Hey, you're too happy. Right. Bring that down, Put some misery into your life. As much as like most people, when we think of overreaction, we think of anger right. I overreacted, I'm sorry, right, think of overreaction. We think of anger. Right, I overreacted, I'm sorry, right, right. And it's after you've calmed down. You can, nine times out of ten, look back and go. That really didn't match what right?

Josh:

what the situation was calling for right over overshot there and that's really what we see in this captain right like I bet, yeah, you show him that video. I. I bet he's probably embarrassed. He's sitting here and going I can't believe I did that.

Debbie:

Yep, I can't believe I got that mad yep but, he, that was stupid of me he sat and whatever he had going on long enough to let it fester and grow, and he didn't.

Josh:

I hate that word what's what word fester it just? All I can think of is like pus, that's that's what I'm thinking of an infection like you just let it fester it.

Debbie:

Just all I can think of is, like pus, that's. That's what I'm thinking of an infection like you just let it fester and grow and it bubbled up and it literally you, it erupted figuratively and literally because you had no self-control and that's really what it is he could have been ticked off. You're. It's okay to be ticked off. I even tell the kids that you know in school it's okay to feel what you're feeling. You just can't live there like you can't that, can't own, you can't be who you are.

Josh:

Feel that, get upset well, and that's what I'm saying, because I know I catch a lot of flack on my view of emotions because, honestly, like I hate emotion, like I hate.

Debbie:

I mean, that's a strong word to say you hate emotion. I mean God made emotions.

Josh:

I understand that, I understand that and that's kind of what we're going to go into, right, but I yeah, I stand by what I say, like I hate emotional emotionalism.

Debbie:

I think you hate when people live through emotions. Right Not necessarily that God made emotions and you hate what he made.

Josh:

No, You're sitting here going.

Debbie:

I hate that people take it. And then just this is who I am. I am sadness, I am happiness, I am.

Josh:

Well, you become very unstable in your emotion.

Debbie:

Right, you're up down, down up down and it's like okay, am I dealing with happy josh or sad josh, or mad josh or not you?

Josh:

but I'm just saying yeah, you were talking about me and I'm dealing with pretty monotone josh. You got two joshes right. You got happy josh mad josh, that's it right and I go people know what they get when they're dealing with you but I go when I say when I, when I, when I say I hate emotion. God gave us emotion. Yes, to live life through you have to experience like, like God is emotional. Jesus felt compassion, jesus felt anger, jesus felt Right, you know, sadness.

Josh:

He felt all these things but yet was not dictated by any of them right and and so when I see, like, especially now in our culture, when, when we talk about emotions, it's kind of just like take the lid off, let everything go wild and and that becomes your reality and your truth.

Debbie:

Right right.

Josh:

You know I feel, and when you start a sentence with I feel, you got to be very careful because your feelings being you know I go think about this like scientists don't even know where feelings come from or what they are.

Debbie:

Well, it makes me think of, like you said, scripture says be angry and sin not. And it makes me think of James, where it says the heart's wicked and deceitful above all things.

Josh:

That's not James.

Debbie:

That's Jeremiah 79. You looked at me like, nope, my bad James is be angry and sin, not Nope, what the heck is happening right now in my life?

Josh:

Why don't you just leave the Bible stuff to me? Yes, Jeremiah 79. Your heart is wicked and dece. What the heck is happening right now in my life? Why don't you? Just leave the Bible stuff to me. Yes, Jeremiah 79. Your heart is wicked and deceitful, above all things Right Now. When we see the heart in scripture, they're not talking about the muscle inside your chest.

Debbie:

Or inside your physical heart.

Josh:

They're talking about that thing inside of you that causes Because, like I just said, like scientists don't even know where our emotions come from. They don't know where they, you know, they generate.

Debbie:

There's not, they can go. Oh, it's from there, that part.

Josh:

Right, like and and even like some of them, yeah, like anger. We know the adrenal glands play a role in that, but we don't understand.

Debbie:

You can actually drain your adrenal glands and completely wear them out with being overly angry.

Josh:

The more you know, because I was in the middle of talking. I didn't expect you to just like cut me off for a science lesson.

Debbie:

I'm sorry. But, anyway, I just wanted to get that out.

Josh:

Obviously Self-control, debbie Self-control.

Debbie:

Debbie Self-control.

Josh:

Let's act like you've had a conversation before.

Debbie:

I know I'm sorry.

Josh:

But what we see is in emotionalism is we see this explosion of just I feel. And again, feelings and emotions are neither right nor wrong, they just are.

Debbie:

It's what you do with that?

Josh:

that that dictates what's right and wrong right right like I feel a lot of different things and and the hard thing is when you're basing everything off of what you feel what's going to happen in the next?

Debbie:

when you don't feel like that. I mean today I went from. I had a barrage of emotions today. I didn't react to any of them. I've learned over the course of many years to kind of let them simmer and I sat with them.

Josh:

The correct terminology is push that down, bottle that up.

Debbie:

I let some time pass and I went okay, all right, what am I really upset about? Yeah, so I had to process through my feelings and then went okay, all right, what am I really upset about? Yeah, so I had to process through my feelings and then go okay, it's not as big as but that's what emotionalism does, is?

Josh:

it forces you to focus on the symptom, not the problem, right? And so you're never actually fixing what is wrong, right, as much as you're just trying to like manage the symptoms of it, right, and what happens is like, just look at marriage counseling, right, you know, couples come in normally because of symptoms, right? We, you know, we just argue all the time, or, you know, I feel like we're just different people. We we're drifting apart like all of these things, like you're. You're worrying about the symptom of that issue that came from.

Josh:

Somewhere instead of digging deeper and going okay what is causing this right. It started somewhere right like it would be like if you got a. You know, and all I can ever think of is that episode of spongebob which one where he gets the splinter in his thumb and then they like cover it with garbage and all of this and it causes this huge infection and it winds up exploding at the end.

Debbie:

Yeah, it festers, it festered um yes, and then it erupted and that's what normally happens, is we have these, these things, these real things that cause damage, that were never dealt with and and over time, they just build up right and and then something small happens and then the next thing, you know, you're having this macro reaction to this micro situation and it's like whoa, I just I spilt a little bit of milk.

Josh:

I didn't think it was and, and that's what we saw, you see, that in the home but that's what we saw with this charter video right he wasn't really mad at that guy about well I'm sure he was, he was probably mad, but I go that there's no, no right like you can't with normal eyes go oh yeah

Josh:

sure I could see why he would jump on another human being's boat, chase him around his own boat and well, even if you demand an apology, even if you think about it legally right, right, we have crimes of passion.

Debbie:

Yes.

Josh:

Okay, like you know, you walk in your wife's cheating on you, you wind up. You know killing this person.

Debbie:

Like Shelton Old Red.

Josh:

You know there is a criminal defense to go hey, this was a crime of passion, right, and therefore it is a lower charge because that's how powerful that can be, right? And and when we see that you know self control, what Paul is saying is hey, stop, take a minute right, process through what you're going through and then react.

Debbie:

If you need to. You may not even need to react and then react If you need to you may not even need to react Right, not everything needs to have a reaction.

Josh:

Right, like this charter guy.

Debbie:

he just lost, you know, presumably you know, three quarters of a million dollars a year.

Josh:

Well, even if we but even if we go beyond that right. You know you. You lost your reputation, you lost you know, he'll more than likely lose his license, sure, even if it's just a suspension or something of that nature? Um, he may be facing, you know, some jail time, so you're gonna lose your freedom, right? Like you're gonna lose all of this and you for what? You could have just kept going and hit the dock and and just moved on home.

Debbie:

Yeah, you know, and that's what winds up happening well then there's a domino effect, like whether it's in the home or the other gentlemen that were with him. They're all starting to see consequences for their buddy's actions. Right, like some of them are losing their businesses, some of them are being blasted on, you know, because everyone likes to blast on social media.

Josh:

They're blasting on social media, so if you're gonna blast on social media, blast faith, family fishing I was gonna say that.

Debbie:

But even like, if you think about a situation, like you think about homes, you know mom or dad comes home, some they're almost, they're upset, they're frustrated and something they have all this is all this in them and then something small happens with the kids and then there's this big explosion the child's full of emotion, crying. You know the spouse is like hold on, what's going on. And then later on then you have sorrow, regret, shame, guilt. You've hurt your child emotionally. You know your spouse is dealing with the repercussions of it. For what? Because you couldn't be a big boy or big girl and just breathe through it. You couldn't be a big boy or big girl and just breathe through it. I think, being in education, I see things a little bit differently when it comes to stuff like that, because after a pattern of a while, a while of that happening, eventually kids start growing numb to it, like you know what I mean Like marital issues start slowly arising.

Josh:

Of course, you are a product of your environment.

Debbie:

You're teaching your daughters how to deal with it. You take people who grow up in chaos that becomes normal.

Josh:

Chaos becomes normal to them. And when it's not chaotic, all of a sudden they feel uneasy. They're waiting for something to explode right, I can't have this like where it's just be at peace, normal right yeah, and and so you know there is that sense of it, but I go.

Josh:

But again, this self-control thing is is sitting here going, hey, I feel, but what I know and and I say this all the time right, let go of what you feel, hold on to what is real. You know what? What is real, what is truth, what is like? What is it like? You know me and you get into an argument or something me and you aren't seeing eye to eye on something, right like I sit here and go. Is this worth?

Josh:

right this argument? Is this worth spending the next you know day, the next day, the next two days, the next three days? Whatever, not talking to each other or very minimal talking to each other, and the older I've gotten, the smaller my list of is this worth it? Because most of the stuff you look at really in the grand scheme of life, is that really worth? It. Is it really that worth it for me to show that I'm right?

Debbie:

Right. You know and and some of that's pride too. I mean a lot of pride. Some of what we saw in that video is pride. Who, who do you think you are?

Josh:

Tell me you know how dare you talk to me like that, right, but, but again, we do the same things in our marriages. You know how many marriages have I, you know, seen where where one person or the other, their pride, their ego, got a little hurt and instead of having that humility and going, hey, like I was wrong and let's move on from this. I need to change this. Mm-hmm. It turns into let's dig our heels in. Mm-hmm.

Josh:

And I'm going to go to the wall on this one, mm-hmm. And then, next thing you know, you have a dissolution to marriage. And for what? Right. You know, and then you throw kids in on top of that Again, life is completely an at all. These people you affected, right, because you couldn't keep control of it, right? You know, the hulk is my favorite comic book character by far, like not even close right.

Josh:

So much so that we named our dog hulk, for us his soul and I go, and it's because of that, it's because I know what that feels like that just be pent up and rage filled, and sitting here and going like I want a place to put this, and that's really what what's winding up happening is is you're you're letting this you're carrying all of it and eventually that pressure, it has to have somewhere to go yes and then next thing, you know it's going towards, know it's going towards your spouse, it's going towards your kids, the very people it shouldn't go towards.

Josh:

The cable company. You know the person who looked at you wrong, the little snide comment that you would have been able to ignore any other day, right? So I go. When we look at this whole self-control thing, yeah, it is a huge issue because a lot of it stems from not just that moment, but beforehand.

Debbie:

Right.

Josh:

You know, what are you still holding on to? What are you still like hiding deep down in your heart, what is still like affecting you that much that it's controlling your day to day? Now, right, because, understand, until you deal with that, you're not going to move forward from that. Right, you're going to stay in that position and you're going to stay wherever you are.

Debbie:

And at that point it becomes a choice to live like that and it's a choice to get, whatever the consequences are, like. It's almost like you get to a place where I know I've seen people where they almost thrive in that chaos because they're just so used to it.

Josh:

No, I wouldn't use the word thrive. They survive in that chaos. I wouldn't say they thrive. Thriving is a good thing, Deb, and in that kind of situation it's impossible to be thriving.

Debbie:

I used the wrong word.

Josh:

Well, I understand that, but I'm just saying like yeah you know and and I go it's, are you okay? What time is it? It is 4 36 what I told you yesterday same time, every day yep and I go. It's sitting here going.

Debbie:

Josh has had the same pain at the same time every day for the past few days. So if anybody has any ideas or thoughts, let us know.

Josh:

It's sitting here going. How much do you want to move past where you are? Right now self-control is sitting here, going, yeah, I feel this or I feel that, but before I react, here's what I'm going to do, and there's a lot of different techniques for this.

Debbie:

Oh yeah.

Josh:

You know, if you've ever spent time in counseling one of them. Breathing techniques right, breathe from the belly.

Debbie:

Yes, hold it to your belly Deep breaths in your nose.

Josh:

Hold it for you know, five seconds and then out your mouth Slow, consistent breaths.

Debbie:

Yes.

Josh:

You will calm your body down, your heart rate will decrease, your blood pressure will come down, all of those things all right. So you, you get into that moment where you're ready and it's like, okay, hold on, let me breathe.

Debbie:

something just as simple as that will calm your levels down and if that's not working count um I tell, I tell them count before you respond. Count to three, five.

Josh:

Gather your thoughts together but again, if that doesn't work, take a pillow, put it over your face and scream again it's got to come out.

Debbie:

I think people don't always think about stuff like that because they think they have to hold it in. They don't realize you can let it out. It just needs to be let out in a safe and healthy way. That's why some people do boxing. You know, mma, weightlifting running fishing, fishing.

Josh:

I don't know why that wasn't the first one swimming.

Debbie:

There are things you can do to go.

Josh:

Okay, I need to do something to decompress and and then you know, that's what I'm saying. There's all these different avenues. We like the destructive ones, though, right, we like the. Oh, let me drink, let me smoke, let me you know how about stop and pray for a minute? Why that didn't make the top right pray, you know so.

Debbie:

For me, like when I pray, specifically when I'm going through stuff like that, I pray that God change my heart, posture, change the perspective I'm looking at things in change. I oftentimes pray that he change the situation. But if he doesn't, you know, I always pray that God change me and do something in my heart, because I can't control anybody else.

Josh:

But, again, that's why it's important to to have people in your life that you can reach out to for prayer, for well, to talk to prayer and to talk.

Josh:

That's what I mean. Yeah, pray, and yeah, you know, hey, like it's hitting me today, you know, can you pray with me? Can, can you talk me through this? Because I mean, there's a lot of times, like you know, I have those guys in my life that you know not a lot, but I have some guys in my life that, yeah, when like crap's hitting the fan, I can reach out to, and a lot of times we're going to have those conversations where, all of a sudden, it is you know, I didn't see it that way. You know, one of the last ones you know, and I don't want to call them out, or anything like that.

Josh:

You know it of them, one of the last ones you know, and I don't want to call him out or anything like that. Um, you know where it was like. Hey man, I hear what you're saying, I hear your frustrations and all that, but I'm going to go ahead and tell you you need to be very careful that you don't harden your heart.

Debbie:

And I love I was.

Josh:

that's actually what I was going to bring, bring up I love that you were able to have that conversation with him, because he loves you enough to go. I know your tendencies, I know I know where this is headed. Right, right, right and and that's not healthy. Right, and especially as a christ follower, and especially in your position as a pastor.

Debbie:

Nope, that's the wrong way to look at it and you need to, like you said, you need to have those people in your life that will look you and go nope yep, and, and that might be your spouse, but you know you need to have someone else too, because what happens when your spouse is the one? That's taking you to that point, yeah, yeah, and I'll tell you what in ministry that's really really, really hard um, but, but I mean, that's what it is, though, right, self-control right even if you go back to the rage verse, reconciliation or rage to reconciliation?

Josh:

I forget exactly what the title the one about anger right. The one about anger um, like I said, for me it was, it was learning to harness that, it was learning to to like go. Hey, look like I'm still gonna get mad but what I?

Debbie:

do with that anger right, right, and it's to be productive, right, and I think that's a good thing to point out, because not everyone knows that you were allowed to be mad, it's just you're allowed to be with it, and that's my thing, and I know sometimes I come off cold and heartless with it.

Josh:

You're allowed to feel whatever you're feeling, right it's. Don't let what you're feeling control you. You be in control, have self-control.

Debbie:

Right, that's the whole point.

Josh:

You know, there are days like and again. Like you know, when we start looking at you know things like bipolar and depression and stuff like that, you that's a whole nother podcast. It is another podcast. But what I want to get at is one of the first things that they teach you is how to recognize those triggers that are going to cause something right, and then how to cope with that because sometimes you need to stay away from a situation, sometimes you can't.

Debbie:

So, like you said, you need to find ways to cope and go. I know I'm going to be in this situation or around this person or right, whatever the case might be.

Josh:

Just take even adhd right, like I was never medicated for it, um, but I was given ways to cope with it and ways to deal with it and in certain aspects it's a, it is very much a strength in other aspects it is, it can be very detrimental. But like I mean, think about it, like it takes a lot to catch my attention, but, man, when you have my attention, that's it.

Debbie:

You have all of my attention, almost overwhelming, right, you can't handle my undivided attention.

Josh:

That's pretty much what it's like um. You can't handle my undivided attention. That's pretty much what it's like, and it's sitting here and going. Like I said, self-control is sitting here, going. I'm going to be in control of myself, I'm not going to react, I'm not going to just, you know, go crazy and Hulk out and Hulk smash.

Debbie:

And do anything based off of anyone else, right? Because then what you're doing is giving other people control.

Josh:

Right, and that's the biggest thing. Like the kids, you know gabby was, oh, jt picks on me and you know blah, blah, blah I'm like and I told her? Yeah, because you react to it he gets a rise out of you he, he in that moment is living rent free in your brain because he's controlling all that right rent, right where. If you can keep that under control right he's gonna get bored and move on right and I mean he's not doing anything major.

Josh:

It's like pinching and poking in the back seat while we're driving. But right you know it's the same thing, right it's. Can you control yourself? Right? You want a stronger marriage. Learn self-control. You know you want better communication with your spouse. Learn self-control. Sometimes you want to be a better you want to be a better parent.

Debbie:

Learn self-control sometimes you don't have to make that last comment. What I remember?

Josh:

that depends on who you are well, yeah sure I remember I will always have to make that last comment.

Debbie:

I was going through a certification for um uh, a youth life coach, and one of the things was sometimes you can let them have the last word yeah you don't always have to be the one to say the last and final thing.

Josh:

Yeah, that's a pride issue but I go again and and keep in mind, like for action there is an opposite and equal reaction, like I'll tell you right now, like one of the worst things you can do is overreact in a situation, because what if you're dealing with someone who meets your reaction and then goes one level higher?

Debbie:

Oh, I'm going to take yours and I'm going to raise it three levels.

Josh:

That's how things escalate so fast, right, right, you know, because who?

Debbie:

do you think you're talking to?

Josh:

Right.

Debbie:

Can't talk to me like that.

Josh:

Right, where you know. It's like we told you know. We taught our kids growing up right. We didn't teach our kids if someone hits, you, hit them back. We taught our kids you get away If you can't get away and you have to defend yourself. 100%. Defend yourself, but your primary goal and responsibility is to get away.

Debbie:

Right.

Josh:

And I go and it's the same thing that shows more control.

Debbie:

Right Than reacting, than just reacting.

Josh:

Mm-hmm Right.

Debbie:

You can save your entire family detriment by having self-control. Well, just think about it.

Josh:

Jesus is getting murdered, has just spent the entire night before being starved, beaten, mocked, all the spit on all the things, is being nailed to a tree, you know, on the cross and goes father, forgive them, them. They know not what they do right, that's wild because let someone like look at you sideways or mention you on social media and you are ready to just like go to burn their world down and and yet, jesus, the ultimate picture of self-control right was like nah father forgive yep and then we'll head out yep, and that's where why you want to see change in your life.

Josh:

Start, start being in control of yourself. Starts with you you know paul would tell us in paul's with. You know paul would tell us in second corinthians you know we defeat every lofty argument that is raised against us by taking every thought captive and and again I had a hard time with that that's different.

Josh:

You know, I could go a totally different way, but but understand it. That's where it starts right take your thoughts captive. Be in control of yourself, right. You could avoid a lot of heartache and a lot of misery in life if you were just in control of yourself.

Debbie:

And a lot of times people don't realize that you know you have an enemy. We've talked about that before.

Josh:

Who is?

Debbie:

going to push every button he can, and it doesn't have to be. I'm going to keep you from going to church. It could, church, it could. I'm gonna push every button to make sure you stay angry, and then you give that power and control.

Josh:

Yep, I mean that's, that's a dumb decision yeah, so I hope we gave you some practical ways to handle that.

Debbie:

God, this is such a bigger thing that we could oh yeah I mean, this is just like scratching the surface oh 100.

Josh:

But you know, hopefully there's some practical ways. If you want more practical ways, I mean you can reach out online. You can reach out um. You can email info at missioncentorg. Um. You can hit us up on on social media. Like you know, there's a lot of other ways to handle all of this, but but it really does start with a choice and and the. The choice is are you going to be in control of? Yourself so until next time, we love you, we thank you bye guys be in control, and we can't do this without you.